Today I went rollerblading and jogging. It was very hot. I went to Planet Smoothie too. :-) I use to go there all the time. I remember on my birthday this past year I went Alex, Carla and Lisa. I still have the note they wrote me in my car. Actually, it was from my senior year. Boy does time fly by. Anyways... thats a good place to get a smoothie. I didn't really pay attention much to the beach today because it was so hot. I should have though. Oh well. When I was little summer meant mangoes. The interesting looking red yellow orangeish colored fruit that grandma would bring home from Aunt Rose's house. The inside is orange. My grandma would bring mangoes and mangoes and more mangoes home. She would sit me on the floor or the the table. She would open a brown paper bag up and cut the mango in pieces for me. She would take my shirt off or stuff a towel into my collar hanging out like a bib. I would then eat up. The juices would run down my face. My fingers would get all messy. I enjoyed every bit of it! She would eat hers in a little tin pan. When I was done I'd sit right there. She would throw the things away in the garbage outside. She'd wash my hands and face all up. The mangoes usually left little stains on the sides of my mouth though. :-) Tonight I ate a mango. It was nice and sweet. It was yummy. She brought it to me. I'll never forget my grandma, mangoes, and the brown paper bags.

I considered starting a new journal, but I decided to just continue this one. It has been a while since I last left a message. A lot has gone on I suppose. I could never capture everything and I am not going to try. I'll just pick up from where I am at. That is okay with me and I am sure you won't mind much. So, now I will begin. I'm back in Key West now for the summer. I will be here until the first part of August. Band camp starts on the 15th. I'm glad to be home. For some reason I feel like a visitor. This is a temporary trip. There is a block of time I will be here. Soon enough I will be packing my bags up to go on another temporary trip. Only, a longer one. I dare call it a trip because it never quite feels like home. No where really has since I left here. Oh, the many tears I cried when I left. I remember it like it was yesterday. It was after church on a Sunday afternoon. I stuck around as long as my parents let me. I hugged everyone so much. I never wanted to let go. They walked me to my car. Tomas ran after our car as we left. He ran pretty far down the street. I was suppose to drive but I was crying so much I felt sick to my stomach and so I had my mom drive. I don't need to rehash everything since then. I didn't know then that everything would change though. I didn't know that even when I came back it wouldn't be the same. I didn't know that. I am always in a hurry to do this and that and get to the next place. Sometimes I think I miss out on what I should be enjoying, what I should be cherishing. I can't change the past though. I know that much. And for some things it is too late. In the midst of everything I find myself feeling lost sometimes. I am still looking for my place. I am still looking for where I fit. This isn't one of those searching for myself my whole life type things. I had my place before. For a year now though I haven't felt like I've had a place. I haven't really made any good friends or a group to hang out with. I enjoy living with Maria and Erin though. They are good friends. We get along great. We have fun. Perhaps I can't exactly explain what I mean. I want to help out with things. I want to be a part. Everywhere seems to be filled. There are no vacancies. There doesn't seem to be any opening spots either. ::sighs:: I miss Ericka. She was such a great friend to me our junior years of high school, and especially our senior year. I love her. She is awesome! :-) I went over to her house tonight. We started watching a movie. She got tired though so I left. She has to work tomorrow at 7am! It is okay. I am glad I got to spend some time with her atleast. I miss Katherine too. She was a good friend of mine as well. We talked about everything. We would walk the beach, go out to dinner, go out for icecream, go to the movies, etc. I enjoyed her company. No one can replace them. They were very special people in my life. We haven't kept in great contact though. Ericka seems to have found her place at her school though. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened to me if I chose to go to a different school or a different college. I think I feel lost because I feel unsure now of what I am doing. I don't know why but I do. I found myself the other day wanting to stop playing clarinet. Why do I go to school for that when it is the piano I love? But I've already made it through a year of clarinet and I don't know if I could get in for piano. Piano is what I love though. I wonder if I'll be able to make it through another year of theory and sight singing. I wonder if this is really what God wants me to do. I mean He opened the doors. He gave me gifts and talents. I got accepted into the program. I know I am suppose to be a teacher. Why do I have these other dreams though? I mean I'd love to just be an elementary school teacher, teach piano from my house, play piano in a restaurant, or play clarinet in an orchestra or band for the movies. Sometimes I wonder if maybe I was suppose to go to school to be a minister of music. I don't know. I want to make a difference. I want my life to count. I try to do the best I can. I try to do things right. For some reason I still feel a bit disconnected. What have I accomplished in the past year? 1) Finished 3 semesters of college 2) Got on the Deans List 3) Went through EE 4) Got involved in Chi Alpha 5) Learned to Cook better 6) Tried new things 7) Learned to drive to all different places 8) Learned to depend more on God 9) Learned who my true friends are 10) Led a Bible study 11) Read a good portion of the Old Testament (still going!) 12) Learned how to wash clothes better 13) Learned how to take care of a house 14) Learned how to kayak Well.. those are some things.... I'm sure I forgot a lot of things... This past year did have purpose. It is just hard to examine your life when you are so close to it... if you know what I mean. Maybe I'll keep a list of the things I feel accomplishment with next year.

Christmas break, or as the government calls it, holiday break, has gone by so fast. I can't believe this time next week I'll be back in Orlando. I love it here. Sure there isn't much to do here, but I love the people here so much. I miss them. I will miss them when I leave. I am glad I have had a chance to spend time with them though on my visit. So, what did I do on Christmas Eve? I worked on my stocking like a mad woman all day, but wasn't able to finish that day. :( That evening I went to Tomas' to give him a present. I ended up staying there for an hour. It was pretty fun actually. It made me happy. He showed me his drums, his room, and we looked at Paraguay pictures. He gave me a present too. His mommy gave me cookies she made. They were soooooo good!! Then, I went home and got ready and went to church. My grandma went with us. I was glad. I played sax, my mom played piano and Sis Kaye led the muisic. I sang a special and so did this other lady. It was cool. When I got home, I sewed more. Before 8am on Christmas day my brother jumped on my bed to wake me up. Oh the joys. I was so tired because I was kinda sick and I stayed up late trying to finish my stocking. I read the Christmas story, Luke 2:1-20. Afterwards, we opened our presents. I got some nice things.. digital camera that hooks up to this thing and prints them out, panties, socks, jewelry, nice black jacket, scrapbook stuff, pjs, money, a dvd, a concordance, gift card, makeup, toothbrush, shoes, and other stuff I can't remember right now. Then, my bro and his wife left and I went in my room to sew more. At noon, we all ate lunch together.. we had pork, mashed potatoes, corn, plantains and cuban bread. MMMM yum!! It was delicious. Then, I worked on my stocking more, and amazingly FINISHED!!!! :-) I was so very happy. We went to the movies in the afternoon to see Cheaper by the Dozen. That was pretty good. Before I knew it, Christmas had pretty much come to an end. I hugged my mom for a long time before I went to bed. She is going back up to the doctors on the 30th. I want her to get better. I hate for her to suffer. I just remembered what else I got!! I got this volleyball precious moments girl with my name engraved. It is pretty sweet looking. :-) Today I hung out with Klara, Tina, Tomas and Tim. It was pretty fun. First we all went to Tomas' house. We went to visit Sarah after a while. After that we went to Kmart for a while and ended up getting a pizza from Little Ceasars. We went to the petstore after that. Then.. we went to the corner store.. they got Guarana and we went to the beach/park thing. It was fun. I enjoyed it. There were lots of little kids there, oh well. Then.. we went to this other pet store... it was bigger and had cooler animals. They were kind of loud in there. When we got out Klara sat on this big cart thing in front of Smart and Final.. she wanted me to push her.... ::shakes head:: We went into the store but they were giving us dirty looks so we left. Then.. we went to Bealls outlet. We were looking at the toys. But before we went in there I was like.. we can't be too loud in here.. this is an old person's store. They laugh at me. Anyways.. so I pressed this hampster dude thing.. and they were looking at other toys. Then.. I went to look at picture frames.. next thing I knew they were like.. Laura we have to go. I was like.. ok.. so when we got out they told me this dude told them they had to leave. I guess they were too loud or something. I dunno. They actually were behaving rather well in there considering.... LoL Then Laura was like, no more stores.. we'll go to Laura's house. I showed them my pictures.. we played nintendo a little bit.. and I dunno. Later we went to the movies... we saw Paycheck. It was a good movie. The lights went out during it though. We had to wait like 15 minutes or so. Tina threw like half of her popcorn on Tomas and I. I was NOT happy. :-( Very UNHAPPY. The movie was good though. After the movie I dropped them to Blockbuster and went home. It was like 7pm. I couldn't take it anymore. It was cool and fun and all.. I don't like to be loud and stupid or stuff in public.. it is embarrasing and immature.. I mean I'm all for that like at people's house or something.. but when you go out.. you need to behave and respect things.. you know? Maybe I am getting old or something.. I dunno.. but I just wanna do whats right.. but still have fun.. oh well.. then tonight I had dinner with my family and then went for a walk with Katherine... that was nice.. we walked for almost an hour and a half. It was good to be with her. I have more on my mind... but I'm going to chat now.

I find myself evaluating my life and goals tonight. I find myself thinking about my childhood, all the memories, all the good times, the sad things, the pain, the growth, school, friends, changes that occured. I think of where I came from, where I've been and where I am headed. Life is beautiful. There are many things that I am still amazed by. There are still so many mysteries. I was looking through a bunch of pictures, cards, letters and things. So many people have been in an out of my life. I find myself wondering where some of them ended up. Some of them probably have kids by now, some of them might be married, a lot of them probably went to college, not all of them stayed in contact though. I usually don't forget people. There is always a trace of them somewhere... in a yearbook.. a picture.. a signing.. a something.. or a memory in my heart. Since I've graduated high school I've seen a broader picture. You don't stay friends with all the people you hung out with in high school or had some classes with. It doesn't happen like that, that is the reality. I wonder who I will stay in contact with, who will forever be my friends. I wonder who will continue to play a significant part in my life. Well, I know my family always will be a part of my life. It changes some over the years, but I guess it happens. Change is inevitable. I feel like pouring my heart out right now. I want to walk on the beach... feel the sand between my toes.. look up at the stars.. I want to close my eyes.. put my arms out and fly.. feel the wind blow through my hair... I don't want it to ever end. I remember going to the park with Lesley. I remember swinging as high as we could and singing whatever song came to our head first, jumping out the swings and trying to land on our feet. I remember climbing trees too. I use to get scrapes. LoL I was kind of tomboyish and adventurous. I wore the prettiest dresses to school and church though. I was adorable!!! I liked going on family trips/vacations and eatting dinner together. I liked going to church as a family. Have you ever wondered what it would be like if you weren't born? My brain just shuts down when I try to imagine that. Growing up.. interesting.. art work in progress.. to be continued.. you know whats great about tomorrow? You haven't lived it yet.. it'll be something new.. there will be something.. I'm in college now. I always knew I would go. I thought I'd go to FSU until my senior year actually. HA! Now I am doing the college thing. It takes time and effort to continue relationship.. to keep friendships.. I was glad to come home and see everyone at youth at church... I sent some of them cards and letters while I was gone, but none of them replied really except Mrs.Leela, Katherine and Ericka. I spoke with a few on the computer a few times though. When I came back though they embraced me.. hugged me so tight.. kissed me.. wanted to hang out with me.. I hope when I leave they will keep better in contact with me. I love them. For a lot of them, I'm sure it will still be the same as before, but maybe not. I wonder where my life is headed. I wonder about the paths and bridges I have yet to cross. I wonder where I will live.. who I will marry.. where I will teach... how long I will live... I wonder what keeps me from doing things I want to do. I know I can do them, but for some reason I just don't choose to, or don't make time. I hope I do before it is too late though. Some things I want to do in my life time... 1) College Degree 2) Make my parents proud 3) Love others 4) Hot Air Ballooning 5) Experience snow 6) Go ice skating 7) Get married 8) Have a career 9) Have a family 10) Cook better 11) Travel 12) Make a difference 13) Leave the world a little better... Currently, I am working on a Christmas stocking. I hope I finish it by Christmas Eve. It is beautiful. I am going to have to work hard on it though. It is very detailed and tedious. I'm going to take a lot of pictures at Christmas time. No one right now is online that I really want to talk to. I want someone to listen though. I guess I'll have to tough it out by myself. I hope before I leave I'll see Sarah again.. and I hope to see Michael. It might even be nice to see Sara. Last Sunday night, I was so broken for Sarah. So very broken. I talked to Michael on the phone the other night though. On Wednesday I tried to call him but ended up leaving a message. He called me on Thursday though and we talked for a long time. It was good. I hope he'll be okay. I haven't practiced piano or clarinet in a few days. I want to though. I haven't went jogging in a few days either. My ankle was hurting pretty bad though. I think on Monday I will go to the church and play for a while. Ericka is suppose to teach me some drums. Maybe she will. I hope so. I could play piano forever. I don't really like to work on just one piece for a long time though. I take a bunch of books and pieces. Last time, I played for two hours. I just put the piano top up, I sit there and I play my heart out. Some of the songs have words, and I will sing, if it isn't too high. If it is too high, then I sing the parts that aren't. No one is there, just me and the piano. :-) I should stop by to see my old piano teacher. I took lessons from her from 5 years old to 18 years old. Amazing, eh? I never took from anyone else. Tomorrow they are suppose to have the kids doing the Christmas play. It should be good. The other night was the banquet. That was nice. They had good food!! :-D I think when I go up to Orlando I'm going to get a new jacket or atleast a scarf and beanie thing. I am cold down here. I can only imagine what it is like up there. I will freeze to death!! I haven't heard from Erin or Maria. I wonder how they are doing. Erin was suppose to go to Michigan on the 20th. I am not quite sure why I haven't went to bed yet. So many thoughts.. I hope to get out some more.. lol The Christmas presents for my dad managed to come in, but I haven't gotten him anything for his birthday, and that is coming up too. I need help!! I wonder if anyone even reads my blog anymore. I don't just write it for people to read it, but it would be nice if people did... or if they did if they'd let me know or drop me a line once in a while. Oh well. I want to bring this back around and end on a positive note. Christmas is coming. Only a few more days left to wait!!!! There will be lots of food, presents, family, and other joys. I can't wait til we go Conch train caroling. That will be fun! :-) I hope everyone else is having a wonderful holiday season. Til next time..

Today, yes, it is Saturday. I slept until 11:30am. I ate a plain bagel with cream cheese and had strawberry yogurt. It was good. After I ate I talked online for a little while, then worked on sewing my stocking. It is so beautiful. It takes a great deal of patience and time though. I worked on it until I left to go to the movies. I saw Lord of the Rings with a bunch of people from youth group and church. I sat next to Tina and Tomas. We had a good time. We laughed a lot. It was cool. The movie was sooooooooooooooo amazingly long though!!! But, it was good. My mom cooked breadsteak, corn and french fries tonight. She needs me to help setup the table. So, I will be going now.

Wow, what a long time it has been since I've written an entry. I didn't plan for it to be like that of course. I just get busy and what not. Well, I have finished my first semester at college. I have been in Key West, for almost a week now. I'm glad to be just chillin. Actually today, I went to work. My middle school band director let me substitute for her while she is absent on a conference trip. Unfortunately, I don't get paid because I don't meet all the requirements yet. However, I get on the job training, first hand experience. She had lesson plans prepared and what not, but she told me I could do whatever I wanted. She said it was my playground and my experiment. Somehow I managed to make it through the day. I think I did very well. I am tired though. I had a lot of fun. The kids learned. They seemed to like me. I didn't do things quite like she does, but no two people do. They had the holiday lunch... turkey, mashed potatoes, green beans, roll and apple crisp. It was quite tasteful. Tonight I had pizza for dinner. MMM yum. When I go back to Orlando I am like going to get so skinny. I'm not use to this food. I'll be back home eatting bagels defrosted in my car. LoL Nah, you know, I have found that toasted cinnamon raisin bagels are the bomb with grape jelly on top. Maybe when I go back I'll go to the gym on campus. Some of the classes look interesting or fun. I have been enjoying blading and running the beach though. However, Sunday I took off, yesterday it rained, and today it is freezing, rainy and I am tired. Ha. I think I'll go bike riding and stuff tomorrow though. My dad is going to take my bike out of the shed. That should be fun. Tonight I am going to a Christmas party at the church. That will be fun too. Since I've been here I've been to the church everyday for atleast two hours practicing piano/clarinet or hanging out with PK, Mrs.Leela, the girls, or who ever else is around. I have enjoyed that. I am glad to see everyone again. Oooo.. let me tell you, the first thing I did when I got home at like 3:40pm today was take off the shoes. My feet were killing me! I guess I know now why she had that tall chair thing. I prefer conducting standing though. With the 8th graders I just worked with them on their Lower Keys Fesitval Music. I forgot to warm them up, but I did pretty good conducting and rehearsing some parts. I think I did even better with the 6th and 7th grade though. I was teaching them new theory and working on exercises out of the book. They did rather well. I know their behavior would have been a bit better if Mrs.Dallas would have been there, but they were still really good, considering. They were quite respectful. They are still young enough where they raise their hands to answer questions all excited. I remember in HS, no one would raise their hand. You just sit there and you play cool. If the teacher calls on you depending on the situation, you like blow everyone away with some intellectual spectacular answer or you just play stupid. One girl told me after we did the theory that I was a good teacher. That made me happy. :-) I didn't like the whole thing that I didn't get to go to the bathroom and I only had 30 minutes, barely enough time to get my food and eat lunch. Eh, it is okay. Tomorrow I get to do it all over again. It can only get better. I am glad I will not be there on Friday. Those little rascals will be psycho because it is the last day before break. I knew some of the kiddies already, so that helped. It made it a little better knowing a few names. I look forward to doing this again. By the time I get to be a real teacher, I think I'll be pretty darn good. I know there is a lot for me to work on though. I think since I've been in college I've become a lot more confident and independent. I think that is important. I think one area I want to work on more is discipline. I didn't have a problem with it today with the kids, but I want to make sure I have something planned in case I need to take some action. I think I have a lot of patience. I know I will need a tremendous amount of it. It is a lot to stand up in front of 25-35 kids or so for an hour and teach them, correct them, discipline them, work on individual problems while addressing ensemble problems.... I mean there are so many things you could work on, fix... you have to be careful the way you approach the situations though... you have to be positive.. encouraging.. but they have to know they need to work... but you want them to enjoy it and have fun and learn... Hmm.. what do you say to french horn players? Middle school french horn players sound to be like.. dying elephants. They have sounded that way since I was in middle school and learned what one was. "That was better in the beggining, but you need to work on your partials in measure 3-4 and 6-8" It is amazing how they don't give up. French horn must be hard to play. I wouldn't know though. I've never played it. I am glad I have some experience though with most the instruments.. flute, clarinet, alto sax, baritone, trumpet, some percussion. I wish I knew trombone, tuba, and french horn, along with more percussion. Today is my parents' anniversary... 27 long years. Wowzers. My mom is in bed like dying though. She had to get injections. No going out to dinner or anything special for them. :( She has been knocked out for a few hours now. ::cries:: I love my mommy. I hope she'll be okay. She had to go to the doctor in Miami/Ft.Lauderdale in a few days. She probably will be getting surgery before the first of the year too. Hmm... I don't go back to school until like January 5th or so. Yay. I will only be there for a few days though, then I'll be off to Tampa for a Music Educators conference. Wow, I live a busy life. But you know what? I enjoy it!! I have been a lot happier since the psycho roomies have been out and what not. I am kind of okay with being home now. The first few days I was bored out of my mind though. I don't want it to be cold when I go back to Orlando, but I am sure it will be! I need to work on my Christmas stocking some more. It is looking rather nice now. :-) I am proud. I want to finish it before Christmas though. I can't believe Christmas is next week!!!!!! That is so around the corner!!! I need to wrap my dad's presents, then I'll be good. Lucky for me, I wrapped all the rest and bought them up in Orlando before I came down. :-) Smart Laura, that's me. I have all my things ready for tomorrow. It will be more or less like today. I'll just take them to a higher level. I don't know what I will do tomorrow night. On Friday night i have a banquet. On Saturday I have Tina's birthday at this japanese restaurant. On sunday I have church. They are suppose to do their program then. I guess I will sing. I should probably prepare something for the Christmas service too on Christmas Eve, next Wenesday. On Monday we have Christmas caroling though. How exciting!!! Ooo.... Ericka and Maria will be here on Thursday/Friday of this week though. That is exciting. I hope to hang out some with them. Next Thursday is Christmas. WOOO!!! I don't want to look further. I will cry. I only have like 16 more days left. Then, I will be gone back to Orlando. When I was there though, I kind of didn't want to leave. I would love to visit more but, the drive is just absolutely psycho... 6.5 hours one way.. 6.5 hours back. That is half of a day! Atleast I will get Spring Break the first part of March. I will be done with the spring semester before April gets out though. Sweetness!!! Then.. perhaps I go to KW for two weeks, then back off to school for a summer session. Okay, enough for looking ahead. All is well. Life is spectacular. My teeth are lovely, the dentist said so yesterday. I need to go brush them now before church though. I am so use to leaving a half hour atleast before things begin. In KW you only have to leave like 7 minutes before something starts mostly. Well, I'll try to keep up with Blog more often. Til next time....