Hi. I don't really know what I should say here yet, but I'll say something just to fill the void. My name is Laura. I live in the big O-Town, Orlando, Florida. I am a student at UCF. I am a Christian. I love music, listening to it, playing it, singing it, and what have you. I especially enjoy playing the piano. I like to rollerblade, jog, shop, watch movies, talk on the phone and online, play volleyball, scrapbook, games, video games, etc. I like to do a lot of things. I enjoy trying new things, but I won't try everything. Everyone seems to pick on me for saying I don't like fish when I haven't tried it, and growing up around the water. I don't like the smell though! Oh well. I'll leave you with a few quotes. SMILE!!! :-) A smile lasts a moment, but the memory lasts a life time. :-) He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.
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Nov 29, 2003
Well, my folks and grandmagot up here for Thanksgiving Holiday. My brother and his wife got up a day or so earlier than them though. After band rehearsal one day Maria and I were going to cook. They wanted to take me out for dinner, but I told them we had already planned to cook. They suggested we buy pizza. They said they'd pay, so we said ok. :-) We got philly cheesesteak pizza and cheese from Donatos. It was soooooooooooo delicious. After we ate we went to the bowling alley. The lanes were all full, so we just hung out and played in the arcade. It was actually pretty fun. Maria and I tried this one game, the dancing revolutions one. We loved it! We sucked at it though. I want to get the one for the house. We decided when we get one, we'll practice and get real good. :-) I asked my brother if he saw us doing it and he said, "yea.. it was quite amusing!" LoL, we had fun so, :-P. We played air hockey too. That is always fun. We bowled two games. My brother and I tied for the first one 115. That was pretty good for me. The next game he won, by like 2 points or something. All well. After that we got icecream. It was a good day for me. After that day is some what of a blur. There was a day when I had lessons and one class, then I went shopping with my rents and grandma. Another day I had a football game. Ya, that was yesterday. We lost, but it was still fun. Our show was awesome, we did the Rock Show and the Country Show. I got to do the line dance again, shake my butt and ride my clarinet. How swell it all was! Ha! After the game we went to Old Navy and to Olive Garden for dinner. It was only my second time going there. I love it there. My mom and I shared "The Tour of Italy". You should try it sometime! Today I've just sat around the house, practiced piano/clarinet some, did theory hw, talked online, the normal nothingness day. Tonight I'm supposed to go to Dixie Stampede with everyone for my brother and his wife's bday. That should be fun. I'm getting rather annoyed with my family though. 6 people in one house, having to sharing a room with my grandma, her having a billion more things than she needs, her waking up at 6am rustling through bags on my day to sleep, my mother coming in and out of my room asking this, asking that, craziness I tell you, my brother complaining, my dad being psycho and annoying, the wife is actually fine though. Ha! Well, they will be leaving tomorrow. I'll be free again. Hope everyone had a wonderful Turkey Day! :-)
Posted at 03:46 pm by Imblue
Nov 25, 2003
This morning as I was walking from my 7:30am Physical Geography class (last one horray!!!) to my Ear Training/Sight Singing class, I saw a soda machine that said, "Do what feels good." As I walked to class a thought about it a little, but decided it was something to think more on. Do what feels good. It is great to feel good, but that doesn't make what you do good, or good for you or other people. Some things you do can feel good temporarily, but have unpleasant consequences attached. Some things you do can be painful or bothersome at first, but in the end it will feel good and/or be good. So, what exactly did they mean? Do what feels good. Feels good now or feels good later? Let me see.. so going to Geography doesn't feel good. I hated every lecture pretty much because of their sameness. It was the same thing EVERY time. Had I not gone to class and withstood the torture, I probably would not have done well in the class, and that wouldn't have made me feel good. Now I am relieved and feel good that it is over. I'm glad I've done well in there because now I will never have to take that class again. Even though I don't think the particular class has much relevance to my major, it was still a requirement. Without the class I wouldn't be able to achieve my degree and have the career I want. I know when I am a teacher I will feel good. I know when I am helping students learn and making a difference in their lives, I will feel good. I will have the greatest joy when one student is stuck and then suddenly the light bulb comes on. I will smile when a student accomplishes something they thought they were uncapable of. And the 7:30am classes might have been heck to get there but in the end I will feel good. This comes up to a controversial idea... do the ends justify the means? I don't think so. It is awesome to achieve great things and have an awesome finish, but the way you get there is important. Sometimes the things you have to go through make you a better person and builds character, or perhaps teach you lessons. You can try to take short cuts and do things the easy way, but that doesn't mean it is the best way, even if in the end you achieve the "same results". This now comes to apperance of things and what it actually is. How interesting! I don't like when people are fake. Putting on fronts and wearing masks are silly. Why do people hide their true selves? Do they not really know who they are because they have been fake so long? Are they afraid people won't really like them? Are they insecure? Oh, how I pity the person who has to live a fake life. I might be weird and stuff, but I try to be real. Now of course, I am shy at first when I meet people. That could seem fake perhaps because I'm not really shy, but with new people I am. That is just how I am. When you get to know me better though and I get more comfortable, then I'm more of the crazy weirdo person I really am. Ha! :-) You know what I love doing? I love being by myself in my room sometimes and just being crazy... you know turning up the music loud and just singing with all I got.. dancing and all.. that is fun. :-) Ha! Well, somehow I got off topic, but thats okay. I feel good, so thats what matters, right? Or is it? I suppose it is a matter of perspective and perhaps circumstance or situation. To do what feels good or To do what will feel good.. both? hmm..
Posted at 10:41 am by Imblue
Nov 24, 2003
Life is good. I just got done having lunch. I was going to have this lovely healthy choice pasta/chicken/broccoli meal. However, I scorched it. I took like a bite or so then I was like, okay, this isn't acceptable. It wasn't edible! Luckily enough I had went to Walmart today. Man, I love that place. Too bad they don't have that in KW. There are plenty around here though. WOOHOO!! After I threw about the scorched food I went to get a bagel to defrost it, but then I remembered I had other stuff. I went to the cabinet and got out a red sippy bowl. :-) I love those things! So, I ended up eatting Winter Lucky Charms. They were good. When I was a kid I use to eat them for breakfast a lot. I remember the thrill and joy of going grocery shopping with mommy and getting to pick out which cereal I wanted. I always got to pick. :-) I remember some kids would have to eat like plain wheaties or stuff like that. I would always pick something different.... Honey Nut Cheerios, Lucky Charms, Fruity Pebbles, Coco Puffs, Cookie Crisp, Frosted Flakes, Kaboom!, Golden Grahms, Raisin Bran, Banana Nut Clusters, Apple Jacks, Trix... yup.. and I remember they would put prizes or toys in there to get kids to want them... ha! cereal is good.
Posted at 01:21 pm by Imblue
Nov 23, 2003
She walked slowly, quite slowly, on that cool, cool day, across the fresh green grass. It was quite pleasant to her. Had it always felt like that, she was not sure. Many times she trudged from one place to another without thought or feeling of such things. Racing thoughts, here and there, rustling and bustling, running and gunning, tossing, turning and still there was more, so much more. But, this day was different. Something inside her had welled up for too long. She thirst and hungered for that which was missing. She could not say what it was she longed for. She could not say what it was she craved. Her eyes were opened wide as could be. Then, she stopped. She looked all around her at everything and took in as much as she could. The tall, tall trees, the buzzing bees, the lovely grass, a walking lass, singing birds, flying birds, and still there was more. There were clouds in the sky, a sun shining bright, flowers of all shapes, sizes and colors, and even crisp fallen leaves. These beautiful spectacles had been there for quite some time indeed, but somehow, she had missed out on something that she did in fact need.
The world’s great entity is easy to imagine, yet hard to grasp. Maybe you think you have it all figured out, but do you really? Ha. There is so much man has yet to know and yet to figure out. We get so busy with school, work, life, we miss out on it. There is more to life than work, money, bills, technology, the things we seem to let consume our time. There is a whole world out there. It is waiting to be explored, to be enjoyed, to be appreciated. How many times to parents get caught up at work trying to make money to support his household and provide his family with the American family dream but yet miss out on helping their child with homework or miss their baseball game or dance recital? How ironic. Work so much to make things better, but work so much and miss out. What are we living for? What matters most? Where is the balance?
I’ve come to realize for a while now that I move too fast. I don’t nearly spend enough time doing what I really would like to do. Too much time is spent and put into things that don’t really matter to me. Many times I’ve pushed the things that matter the most and that I hold dearest aside for a moment or joy, something that is not lasting. I’m getting better at this, atleast I’d like to think so. I don’t want to lose sight of what it most important. I don’t want to live an empty life. I don’t want to live an meaningless life. I want to have lived a life with purpose and vision.
The other day my friend asked me if I knew what day it was, the 40 year anniversary since JFK. They ran biographies on TV, the internet and what not. He lived and died. All that is left of him is the memories of his life and the people who he impacted. When I die, what will they say about me? What will people remember about me? How will I have impacted this world or made a difference? What about you?
Life is wonderful. Human creatures are amazing. Sometimes I look at my hands, I touch my skin and I’m like “Wow! I’m real.” Sometimes I feel like I’m not really here. I feel like this is a blur, this is a dream. It is real though. I am living. I have had a good life. I’m going to continue to live my life, hopefully be a better person each day, and enjoy it. I'm not going to just let it pass me by. When I die I will have had a wonderful life. Posted at 04:02 pm by Imblue
I have been dreaming a lot lately and remembering them. Last night was the most vivid in a while. I went to the movies with this guy. I remember going to the restroom first and looking myself over. There was this girl I knew from KW in there too. She was in my clarinet section and young than myself. She was a nice girl but she had low self esteem and confidence. I always tried to help her and encourage her. Anyways, so then the guy came in the bathroom to get me. We stood in line and his father was with us, which was kind of weird. I think a little boy was too. They bought a lot of bags of popcorn for some reason. We got into the theatre and found seats. There was a HUGE screen. I think someone was talking in the front with a microphone as if it were a church service. We were watching the movie. Suddenly something came over me. My eyes shut I was on the ground and I was being beaten and torn... I was being demolished.. I was exploding.. something inside of me was coming out or something.. my head went back and forth as if someone were slapping me to and fro... I don't remember what everyone else was doing, but I think they were watching me. Something spectacular and eye widening was happening to me... I'm still not sure what happened. Later when there were less people in the room I saw Lesley and I talked with her. It was good because I hadn't seen her in a while. Someone told us to pray for people. I'm not sure who was suppose to pray for whom, but I remember having this like necklace thing that I was suppose to place on someone and ask if I could pray for them. I remember walking around and seeing these 3 boys sitting together. I knew they hadn't been there by choice. I picked one of them and put the thing her his head, around his neck. I asked him if there was something he wanted to pray about and he said no. I asked him something else and he said no again. I asked if I could just pray for him then and he said okay. In the beginning he repeated everything I said but then he stopped as if he wasn't agreeing anymore or as if he I don't know what. But he let me finish. I then remember walking along this wooden bridge near by water. I remember seeing this guy that use to be friends with my dad. He was working and toiling. We looked at each other in the eyes. He told me he believed, but different than before. He said he had to keep working. Then I was picked up, hugged and carried by someone. I said goodbye to whoever was around and left. I have no clue what this means or where it came from. Usually I can figure out my dreams or know atleast what they have to do with. For some reason I liked the thing about there being three boys and about me asking three times and not giving up. Why? Probably because usually if I ask someone something... not with everything.. but with somethings.. if they say no the first time I like give up or leave it alone. Sometimes somethings you have to ask again or ask something else.
Posted at 01:07 pm by Imblue
Nov 22, 2003
I thought I knew what I was going to write about, but now my mind is wandering. Well, today I just woke up, showered and I have been doing things around the house. I did some webwork, practiced piano, put on the laundry, read my bible, read some other stuff, played yahoo pool, etc. Just you know, stuff. I love playing the piano. It is so beautiful. I like to play all different types of songs from all sorts of books that I got from all different places for different reasons. I love to sing and play. It expresses something that is deep inside that can't be explained in normal words. WHERE WORDS FAIL, MUSIC SPEAKS. I love the songs that are slow and have a little long of a beginning. I love having to be patient and wait for the time to start singing. Many times I don't want to be patient. But it is so much more beautiful when I am patient and play it with feeling. My clarinet is coming along. I have a new Buffet R13 one. It is beautiful, but it just isn't the same as piano. I feel so much more accomplished with piano. Even though in a sense more of me is in clarinet because in order for it to make a sound I have to put air from in me into it, I love piano more. I'm studying clarinet at school of course, but I'll never leave piano. I hope nothing ever happens to my hands or fingers. If I could not play piano I'd cry. Right now being sick I can't run or rollerblade, nothing like that. I hate it. I feel robbed. I'm use to being able to do things and not having limitations. I hope I get better soon. I hate being sick. I'm not a sick person. My Nanny sent me a card yesterday with $20 for Thanksgiving. I was suprised. I guess she still loves me. It hurts me that she moved when I was rather young. She missed my concerts, games, programs, and that sort of thing. Even though she lives in the same state, she didn't even come to my graduation and my dad offered to drive up there and get here and bring her back. I don't understand. I was really close to her when I was small too. She took care of me every day of my life until I went to Kindergarten practically. And after school through 2nd grade she kept me after school and for summers. I remember we use to ride the bus and go to KMart to look around and share a piece of pizza. I liked that. I remember when she would make me scrambled eggs, toast and bacon sandwich. I liked that. I was always the special one. I was the favored one. I was "Nanny's baby". Well, after she didn't go to my graduation I kind of was mad at her since she didn't even call or anything. Later I found out she asked for me a few times when she called my mom but I was out. The life I see her having is so dry and miserable. It is a wonder she has lived where she has for so long. It is in the sticks, in a prison, in a lifeless hell hole where she is a servant to my lazy aunt. It is ridiculous. Nanny is old. She shouldn't have to do that crap, but I guess she must love it because that is where she chose to live. I doubt I am the special one anymore since I haven't talked to her in months. It doesn't matter much though. I feel bad for her. I am hurt but I still love her. When I get older I want to be there for my children, grandchildren, family. I don't want to miss any part. It matters. It is hard to say how much or in what way with certain things, but it just matters. It does. My brother and his wife are up here. We went to Medeveal Times last night. I didn't feel well but I was glad to be there. When we were getting in and she told him to go in first he said no, I want to sit next to my sister. That made me feel good. I don't feel so weird with them anymore. I know and accept that it won't be the same ever, and that is ok. I know this may sound retarded but he tucked me in last night and I liked that too because I was sick and cold. The rest of the family will be up on Tuesday. Erg... hopefully things go well. I don't want them on my tail too much. I'll get annoyed. I just looked at the title for this blog entry.. patience. I guess I'll have to be patient with them. Perhaps I'll have to lock myself in my room from them. LoL ::shrugs:: It'll be fine. :-) I'm so glad classes this semester are coming to and end. I feel pretty good about this semester. I am hoping for all A's, but if not, it is okay. It happens. I did my best for the most part. I was thinking again about what I want to do before I die or something. I want to learn to ride a horse and go horse back riding. That would be nice. I'd like to ride a horse in a big open field and feel the wind blowing through my hair, feeling free, having control, dancing under the sun. In my Introduction to Education class the other day my professor was talking about not just living in Florida when you become a teacher because it is where you have always lived, but exploring the big world out there. I was actually planning to stay in Florida living wise forever because I get cold easily, this is where my family lives, etc. For some reason when he was talking it made me think. I always enjoy traveling, going to other places and things, but this made me almost want to live somewhere new, somewhere different, another state. I kind of like that. I think I might look into other states and see eventually. For a while though, I'll stay in Florida. Maybe when I go after my Masters I'll get it from somewhere else. Who knows. Life is beautiful though. I am enjoying it to say the least. I like not moving so fast as before. I like looking at things more and doing things I wouldn't normally do, doing what I want to do..... When I die I die. But til then, I want to live, to live a good life full of life, love, energy, passion, vision, goals, lessons, success, happiness and dreams...
Posted at 03:41 pm by Imblue
Nov 20, 2003
Mother... Daddy... Rulers...
So, I love my mom right? I mean.. she gave birth to me.. she has been there for me.. she has taken care of me.. guided me.. protected me.. supported me.. all that right? I love her to death. I even worry about her and cry sometimes because I'm afraid she is going to die because she has this disease. I call her every day a couple times usually. Sometimes I am just bored and want to talk. Sometimes I need help cooking and it is like MOM!!! How long do I put this on for this? What should I put on this? LoL Other times I just tell her what I am doing, not because I have to check-in or anything, but just to let her know what is going on ya know? Sometimes I regret that though, like today. I told her I was going to go to the movies tonight with a friend that use to live next door to me in KW that lives up here now. So the girl had a few issues, but I mean who doesn't. My mom think she is a user and psycho and all this other stuff. She actually is a nice girl, just had a rough rough rough life because of her crazy mom and family. There is no harm in going to see a movie with the girl right? My mom told me not to get tangled up with people like that. It is a movie! I don't plan to spend every living moment with her or go party getting drunk and crap like that. What is the deal? I got mad at her for judging my decision and telling me what to do. I told her I was sorry for calling her. I told her I didn't like her telling me what to do. I don't want to talk to her and tell her what is going on and stuff when she does that. I'm like what the heck? I am 18... I can do what I want. I'm actually a good girl you know. I make good grades. I don't go around having sex. I don't drink or do drugs. I don't go to crazy parties. I'm not doing all that bad stuff. It just makes me mad. I know she is concerned about me, perhaps still over protective, but she needs to get over it. Sometimes I think thats why they bought me a house to live in, in college, that way they could still have say over a lot. I mean if they are paying I have to still abide by some of their rules right? Most of them I don't mind, I'd live like that anyways, but I don't like the whole idea of them ruling me. Now don't get me wrong I want to honor my parents, but I don't want to be dictated. I need my room. I need my life. I'm still a little girl when I get upset and things are going crazy for me. I want to talk to them then. But, I absolutely hate when they try to tell me what to do. Mostly, it is my mom, because that is who I talk to. My dad is pretty cool about stuff like that, just when he is here he annoys me by coming in my room every 5 minutes telling me what he is going to do and asking what I am going to do. Heh, he isn't a bad guy. He's pretty funny and cool til you piss him off. I don't care about the money and being able to practically have whatever I want. That doesn't matter to me so much. I mean I love being able to go shopping and not worry if I'll have enough for food... but being able to go to Old Navy and if I like something just buying it, not that I buy everything or stuff like that. I'd like to think I'm rather reasonable. I try to be atleast. Material things aren't top on my list, but I like them of course. They are loving parents and all though. I love my family. I miss when I was a child a bit, but I just hate this ruling/telling me what to do crap. Stop it! They can't do it for much longer. They should know by now that they raised me right. I'm a young lady, I can make choices rather well. If I make bad ones, I'll have to deal with the consequences. Some things in life you have to learn for yourself. Keep the money, let me live! :-)
Posted at 02:35 pm by Imblue
Nov 17, 2003
Wow. It has been such a long time since I've blogged. I'm back though. Have no worries.
Today I found out what is wrong with me. Hopefully I get better soon. I don't like being sick. I push myself too much even when I am sick. I'm going to try to be rather realistic though, so I don't kill myself. After I got home from the doctors I took a nap. It was good. I then had to wake up and go to band practice. On Saturday I went to this high school marching band competition close by. I didn't exactly know where I was going but I eventually found it. Fortunately I didn't miss my friend's whole show. I stayed and watched some other bands perform too. One band did a Phantom of the Opera show. In the end, they all like disappeared. It was so sweet! They were good. It made me love marching band. I have a football game on Wednesday. We're doing a Country Show this week. LoL In one of the songs we're line dancing. It is fun to do! :-) It's funny to watch the people that are um.. special. :-) It's all good though. We also sing in one of the songs. I have to admit, Country is not my favorite, but I do like it to some extent. Thanksgiving is coming up. Yay! I'll get to see my family. They will only be here for a bit, so it should stay "yay!" and not be "blah". Atleast, that is what I am hoping. Real food! I can't wait. My meals have been... heh lately.... not so good as mom's cooking back home. One night I had a cinnamon raisin bagel and OJ. Nice, eh? Today I had a plain tortilla with nothing in it and grapes. Well, it is food atleast. Some nights we cook though. We could decent mostly. It is either good food or amusement. Anyways, they are going to bring me CUBAN BREAD too!!!! I miss it. I didn't have it all that much in Key West, but when you can't have something, then you want it. It won't be like Thanksgiving at home, but everyone will be here. That is what counts. :-) I can't wait til I go there for Christmas though. I get to go there for about a month! :-) I can rollerblade on the beach every day. I think I'll spend time with my family too. I use to just lock myself up when I was home. I'd be in my room on the computer or out and about. I want to spend some time with grandma. She went to all my games, concerts and programs. For some reason I thought about that today and it made me appreciate her more. My parents have been to my games, concerts and programs too. I like that. It means a lot. Maybe more now than I realized at the time. I have a friend here at college, her mom never goes to anything for her. She never has. She says she will go, then doesn't go, and doesn't even tell her til the last minute. It gets her hopes up only to crush her. That sucks. I thought about performance today too. I thought about all those times I had a choir concert. I miss them. Choir was fun. I enjoyed the singing and dancing. I probably like held myself back some though because I think I worried a little what people thought or I kept myself to stiff. I don't know. I kinda kept to myself. A lot of the people were fake and gossiped and worried WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too much about things of little importance in my eyes. I didn't want to be a part of that anyways. But, I could have talked more maybe. I don't regret it though. :-) I remember band too. Some days I just wanted to get out or there when I was a senior. Sometimes I rushed too much I guess. I wanted to get to the next place or something I suppose. I think I am better now. But, sometimes I still feel like lost or like I am wandering if I am not going somewhere or doing something. Such a busybody. Ha! I've been sewing a lot lately. I like it. It is fun. I'm making a really pretty stocking. It is going to be BEAUTIFUL!!! I like making things. I'm off to else something now. Wonderful indeed it is!
Posted at 09:18 pm by Imblue
Nov 13, 2003
Tomorrow I go get the xrays done. Oh, how exciting. I could talk about today, but it was just long, busy and hurt. So ya, my grandma, she use to go to all kinds of doctors every week. I think she still does. Now that I look back at it, I remember her always dressing nice to go, and having both her nails and hair down before she went too. I love my grandma. My wrist hurts now though. I'm going to bed. Good night.
Posted at 09:47 pm by Imblue
Nov 11, 2003
Today I went to see a doctor. It was my first time going without my mom. It was my first time going to a doctor up here period. Usually, I am really healthy and all good. I get sick sometimes though of course. I had a hard time finding the place. I got directions. I road past the hospital. I didn't realize the place was inside the hospital. Go figure. Then, I rode the elevator up, walked out of it realizing that was not the place, walked back in and went down. I looked at this board thing and found the room. Hospitals are so weird! To make this shorter, I got in pretty quickly. The doctor looked like Eddie Murphy buter taller, cross eyed and wore glasses. He was an interesting character. He was very personable. That was good. I don't understand something though. When he walked in the door he asked, "How are you doing?" Why do they ask that?!?!?! I'm in a doctors office.... in a hospital... I can't be doing THAT well! Silly! I guess they try to be friendly or something. He checked me over, pushed me in places, etc. He said something about gastrointestinal something or another. Who knows. The nurse came in and took some of my... ::gasps:: BLOOD oh the agony! I never had done that before. I thought I was going to die! I almost cried actually. I'm such a baby. :( She pricked me twice. She didn't get as much as they wanted really, but she said what they got would do. I then got to give a urine sample. That didn't hurt too much, thank goodness! On Friday I am suppose to get some x-rays done. Oh the fun of it all... Well, I'm still kickin' so !!! :-)
Posted at 01:08 pm by Imblue
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