I find myself evaluating my life and goals tonight. I find myself thinking about my childhood, all the memories, all the good times, the sad things, the pain, the growth, school, friends, changes that occured. I think of where I came from, where I've been and where I am headed. Life is beautiful. There are many things that I am still amazed by. There are still so many mysteries. I was looking through a bunch of pictures, cards, letters and things. So many people have been in an out of my life. I find myself wondering where some of them ended up. Some of them probably have kids by now, some of them might be married, a lot of them probably went to college, not all of them stayed in contact though. I usually don't forget people. There is always a trace of them somewhere... in a yearbook.. a picture.. a signing.. a something.. or a memory in my heart. Since I've graduated high school I've seen a broader picture. You don't stay friends with all the people you hung out with in high school or had some classes with. It doesn't happen like that, that is the reality. I wonder who I will stay in contact with, who will forever be my friends. I wonder who will continue to play a significant part in my life. Well, I know my family always will be a part of my life. It changes some over the years, but I guess it happens. Change is inevitable. I feel like pouring my heart out right now. I want to walk on the beach... feel the sand between my toes.. look up at the stars.. I want to close my eyes.. put my arms out and fly.. feel the wind blow through my hair... I don't want it to ever end. I remember going to the park with Lesley. I remember swinging as high as we could and singing whatever song came to our head first, jumping out the swings and trying to land on our feet. I remember climbing trees too. I use to get scrapes. LoL I was kind of tomboyish and adventurous. I wore the prettiest dresses to school and church though. I was adorable!!! I liked going on family trips/vacations and eatting dinner together. I liked going to church as a family. Have you ever wondered what it would be like if you weren't born? My brain just shuts down when I try to imagine that. Growing up.. interesting.. art work in progress.. to be continued.. you know whats great about tomorrow? You haven't lived it yet.. it'll be something new.. there will be something.. I'm in college now. I always knew I would go. I thought I'd go to FSU until my senior year actually. HA! Now I am doing the college thing. It takes time and effort to continue relationship.. to keep friendships.. I was glad to come home and see everyone at youth at church... I sent some of them cards and letters while I was gone, but none of them replied really except Mrs.Leela, Katherine and Ericka. I spoke with a few on the computer a few times though. When I came back though they embraced me.. hugged me so tight.. kissed me.. wanted to hang out with me.. I hope when I leave they will keep better in contact with me. I love them. For a lot of them, I'm sure it will still be the same as before, but maybe not. I wonder where my life is headed. I wonder about the paths and bridges I have yet to cross. I wonder where I will live.. who I will marry.. where I will teach... how long I will live... I wonder what keeps me from doing things I want to do. I know I can do them, but for some reason I just don't choose to, or don't make time. I hope I do before it is too late though. Some things I want to do in my life time... 1) College Degree 2) Make my parents proud 3) Love others 4) Hot Air Ballooning 5) Experience snow 6) Go ice skating 7) Get married 8) Have a career 9) Have a family 10) Cook better 11) Travel 12) Make a difference 13) Leave the world a little better... Currently, I am working on a Christmas stocking. I hope I finish it by Christmas Eve. It is beautiful. I am going to have to work hard on it though. It is very detailed and tedious. I'm going to take a lot of pictures at Christmas time. No one right now is online that I really want to talk to. I want someone to listen though. I guess I'll have to tough it out by myself. I hope before I leave I'll see Sarah again.. and I hope to see Michael. It might even be nice to see Sara. Last Sunday night, I was so broken for Sarah. So very broken. I talked to Michael on the phone the other night though. On Wednesday I tried to call him but ended up leaving a message. He called me on Thursday though and we talked for a long time. It was good. I hope he'll be okay. I haven't practiced piano or clarinet in a few days. I want to though. I haven't went jogging in a few days either. My ankle was hurting pretty bad though. I think on Monday I will go to the church and play for a while. Ericka is suppose to teach me some drums. Maybe she will. I hope so. I could play piano forever. I don't really like to work on just one piece for a long time though. I take a bunch of books and pieces. Last time, I played for two hours. I just put the piano top up, I sit there and I play my heart out. Some of the songs have words, and I will sing, if it isn't too high. If it is too high, then I sing the parts that aren't. No one is there, just me and the piano. :-) I should stop by to see my old piano teacher. I took lessons from her from 5 years old to 18 years old. Amazing, eh? I never took from anyone else. Tomorrow they are suppose to have the kids doing the Christmas play. It should be good. The other night was the banquet. That was nice. They had good food!! :-D I think when I go up to Orlando I'm going to get a new jacket or atleast a scarf and beanie thing. I am cold down here. I can only imagine what it is like up there. I will freeze to death!! I haven't heard from Erin or Maria. I wonder how they are doing. Erin was suppose to go to Michigan on the 20th. I am not quite sure why I haven't went to bed yet. So many thoughts.. I hope to get out some more.. lol The Christmas presents for my dad managed to come in, but I haven't gotten him anything for his birthday, and that is coming up too. I need help!! I wonder if anyone even reads my blog anymore. I don't just write it for people to read it, but it would be nice if people did... or if they did if they'd let me know or drop me a line once in a while. Oh well. I want to bring this back around and end on a positive note. Christmas is coming. Only a few more days left to wait!!!! There will be lots of food, presents, family, and other joys. I can't wait til we go Conch train caroling. That will be fun! :-) I hope everyone else is having a wonderful holiday season. Til next time..